• Caitlin Kennedy

Brexit Horoscopes

We look to the stars for guidance during these uncertain times. NB: Just like a normal horoscope, no useful advice will be given!

Although we generally steer clear of Politics here at The Echo, it would be amiss of us not to mention the UK’s departure from the Union, on this historic(ally awful) week. However, you feel about Brexit, most of us can agree it all feels a bit apocalyptic. Not just on the sad, lonely little island most of us hail from, but the world at large too, what with super-viruses zapping about in the air, the looming dread of dictatorial morons threatening a return to the joyous cold war period, and nature throwing an absolute hissy fit across the globe.


Sometimes it can feel as though we are helpless little leaves in a gale, being blown around with no control or ability to help ourselves or those around us, but fear not! Just as our ancestors before us sought the counsel of the gods, we have a foolproof way of knowing what the future holds for each and every one of us. We’ve consulted with the stars and so have envisioned Brexit Horoscopes to guide us through these difficult times.


Aquarius

Your passport will become more akin in colour to the water symbol that represents you. This change is caused by Neptune who is angry about a mermaid who wants to be a human. Don’t worry though, because there’s a fun lobster who will save the day.


Taurus

All the Remainer Tauruses out there will steadfast refuse to believe we have left the Union, due to being stubborn bulls. This will be fine until Mars, God of War enters your trajectory and boots you out of the little Lithuanian village you had decided to live out your delusion in.


Capricorn

Feeling like