• Sam Box

Chairlift Chat

Chairlifts provide a much needed break from the tiresome activity of sliding down the hill on your chosen number of planks. Of course they get you up the hill but did you know that they are also a prime opportunity to bond with your fellow chairlifters? This article covers how to make your uplifts more uplifting.

The very first thing you ought to do is make sure everyone is sat comfortably. Offer anything you can to help these lucky souls have the optimal journey to their destination. In seconds, you have already built up a rapport as the kind and caring member of the chairlift. To seal the deal, be the godsent hero that pulls down the bar, cementing your commitment to the safety of your companions.

The squad is comfortable, the bar is down and a vista of opportunity is ahead. What you do next is where chairlift relations are made. By far the best thing you can do is offer up a Charcuterie consisting of local meats and cheeses (throw some oat cakes in for the vegans). However, not everyone has space in their bag for such delights. If you carry a small bag, or if you have run out of salami, the next best thing to do is strike up a conversation.

As you were the one to pull the bar down at the start of your group’s grand voyage, you don’t have to worry about people finding your compliments disingenuous. Tell the old man next to you that his sallopettes are absolutely splendid and you can’t wait to hear the story of their acquirement. Ask the french girls at the end WHERE ON EARTH they got their incredible fluffy hoods from and how they came to have such exquisite taste in fashion related matters. Finally, be sure to tell the ski instructors on the other end just how youthful their skin looks and how much you admire their dedication to smoking half a pack of cigarettes on every lift.

Once you have complimented every kindred spirit along for the beautiful ride, you will have their trust - it is now time for them to open up to you. Just remember you are here to listen, not to judge. It won’t be easy, your best bet is to offer gentle reaffirmation that everything will be ok and to take life one chairlift at a time. Carrying a small pack of extra soft tissues will help wipe away the tears and hopefully some of life’s troubles for these incredible humans.

As you get close to the top, you will start to feel a warm sensation all around you. What you are feeling is the embrace of friendship. Then when you can see the lift station approaching, it is time for the toughest part - the goodbyes. The old saying ‘chairlifts fly when you are having fun’ has never been truer and everyone will wish for just a few more minutes in the company of ‘the chairlift guru’ (that is what they call you now). Expect a lot of tears, heart felt declarations of gratitude and promises to meet again.

Chairlifts imitate life. You are on a one way trajectory to a higher place. You are no more or no less than your fellow life forces sharing the divine passage, so why not help their journey be the best it can be? If you are ready for fulfilment to bless your life, just get on a chairlift.

…did someone spike my vape again?

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