• Sam Box

Frustrations of a Club Photographer

Being sober in a club is weird. Add hundreds of people wanting something from you and things can get hectic.

There are numerous ways people ask for a photo. Sometimes, people are super polite with lots of pleases and thankyous. Great. Sometimes, people tap me on the shoulder and gesture to them and their mates. Fine. Sometimes, people literally kick me to get my attention. No. If you are a kicker - who raised you? In what world would I now try and get a flattering photo of you? If you kick me and I get an unfortunate snap where you look like Shrek, you’d better believe that’s going to be the album cover.

People often ask to see the photo I just took of them. This would be fine but nine times out of ten after seeing it they insist on having another photo then do EXACTLY the same pose. To avoid this situation, telling people I have to get the photos developed at Boots before I can see them works surprisingly well.

Most nights, I’ll meet the person who asks (very nicely) if they can take a photo of me which is sometimes followed by “I actually did photography A-Level”. This is often a light hearted and pleasant encounter and so I always feel bad saying “absof*ckinglutely not”. I don’t get why people are so surprised when I wont pass them my expensive piece of kit after they have dropped their phone four times since they started talking to me. I am flattered that you asked though, really.

Photobombers - you are a gift and a curse. If you are discreet and doing something amusing in the back of someone else’s photo: you are doing gods work and I salute you. If you are one of the GENIUSES who think it is hilarious to put your hand in front of the lens while I am taking a picture of someone else: I wish you a short time on this earth. I bet you ride a snowscooter, wear moonboots and have very few friends that actually come to your birthday party. Yeah this really annoys me, please don’t ever do this.

If you ask a photographer for a photograph, at least be ready for it. More than once, a girl has asked me for a photo then got a brush out of her bag and proceeded to style her barnet. Guys are even worse for fixing their hair before I can get the shot and it always looks just as shit as it did before they ran their fingers though it for 2 minutes. This sounds like a ridiculous thing to be annoyed about but when I am surrounded by people who want photographs, I don’t have time for you to get a little off the sides and maybe a perm.

Ok, now that you know what not to do, go out there and get some great shots.

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