• Sam Box

Mullet Madness

Business in the front, party in the back - you know we be talking ‘bout Mullets this week.

One of the most defining haircuts from the 80’s and 90’s is making a surprising comeback. If you have been living in tragic ignorance, the Mullet is where you rock a short front and sides, but let it hang at the rear. The hairstyle has been around as long as high fashion, but the name was popularised by the Beastie Boys banger, Mullethead, which features sound advice such as: “Cut the sides, but don’t touch the back”.

Consider a mullet.

Suitable for both men and women, the Mullet has found its way onto the heads of many iconic figures in history. Billy Ray Cyrus, David Bowie and even Rihanna have all been seen donning the accomplished look. Want to be more like them?

Grow a mullet.

A more heroic Mullet can be found upon the one and only, Man Of Steel. In 1992, DC comics decide to kill off Superman. However, when he made his inevitable comeback in 1993, Superman returned sporting a super-Mullet. Seriously though, how rare is it that you can rock a hairstyle so dazzling that Lois Lane does not realise you have exactly the same face as the bloke flying about town?

Get yourself a super-Mullet.

With thick lips and a small triangular mouth, Mullets are occasionally known to jump out of the water. They are found in temperate and tropical waters but you will also find some species in freshwater. With unusually muscular stomachs for this type of fish, when th… hold on, that’s that wrong kind of Mullet.

Catch a Mullet.

Not just criminally good looking, the Mullet is a punishable offence in some countries. In 2010, Iran banned the Mullet during a crackdown on “decadent Western haircuts”. Sadly, the punishment for sporting this clearly “decadent” hairstyle can often involve a forceful removal of the Mullet. Even in 2020, Iran’s atrocious women’s rights laws requires women to wear a Hijab at all times when in public and you can get in trouble for showing the smallest bit of hair.

But ladies, if you are hiding your hair anyway, hide a Mullet.

Mention should also be given to the Skullet. This is where rather than short top and sides, you opt for no top or sides. To be honest though, it doesn’t sound like something anyone would ever opt for and more like something that happens when you refuse to accept that you are balding.

Don’t grow a Skullet.

We are sure you already have it in the calendar but Mulletfest is coming round again towards the end of February. This competition is held in deepest darkest Australia and claims to “encourage the celebration of a unique hair style, and the fun-loving atmosphere that goes with it”.

Some of the categories you can enter include: ‘everyday’, ‘extreme’, ‘international’ and ‘grubby’’. The overall winner receives the title of: “Best Mullet Of Them All” which, last year, went to Shane ‘Shag’ Hanrahan who has been tending to his mullet since 1986.

What a Mullet.

Le Petit Salon d’Antoine is holding a Mullet challenge this month. All you need to do is:

Step 1: Go to Antoine and get yourself a Mullet

Step 2: Get yourself a PA for all the extra attention you will be garnering

Step 3: At the end of the month, vote for the best Mullet (yours)

Step 4: Potentially win a free haircut

Step 5: Obviously, don’t accept the haircut and march straight on to Mulletfest

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