Sprog Season Round 3
Updates from Abi and Al as they take their baby on a ski season.
As everyone is probably well aware, space is at a premium in ski resorts but somehow we’ve managed to Tetris enough space in our apartment to turn our living room into a small pram race track. I’ll explain. Unlike adults, when babies are tired and need to sleep, the last thing they want to do is be put to bed (I know I’ve made this analogy before but much like a drunk). So one of the ways we’ve hit on to get a break from parenting is by popping him in the pram and racing round the living room in a figure of eight until either he falls asleep or we feel sick. We can then use the resulting peaceful hour to clean up all the dirt the pram has left on the floor and not quite take a nap when he inevitably wakes up early!
We have tried other tactics. The older generation tells tales of how they would let their children cry themselves to sleep but sadly whoever built the walls in our apartment seems to have used something only slightly more soundproof than paper, so it’s not really fair on the neighbours.
I often get asked how much sleep I am getting. I’m not sure if this is because I have such a haggard look that even with my goggles on, people can see the strain or if they are just gloating about their baby free existence. So for those who are curious or just like to gloat, here is a typical evening.
Dummy in, dummy out. Dummy in, dummy out. Why did you take your dummy out? Especially as you are now crying. And who taught you that co-ordination to take it out of your own mouth!? The least you could do is put it back in yourself. Not fling it halfway across the room causing me to stand on it as I come in and almost give myself the worst ski season injury in 12 years. I don’t even have the excuse of being drunk (which according to my personal research is responsible for at least 75% of seasonaire injuries)! Look pal! I’ve got to go to work in 3 hours and as comfy as some of the lifts are, I’d rather not be using them to catch up on sleep. Wait, now he’s smiling at me. Why are you smiling? Did you plan this all along? Have I just been outsmarted by a 5 month old baby who thinks something stops existing when he can’t see it any more? Ha! That’s the answer: I’ll just move out of his view and he’ll fall asleep. The tables have turned little one. Who’s the smart one now… Oh wait he’s crying again. Right I have all the wealth of knowledge of the internet at my disposal, surely there must be some answers there. Google, how many sleeping tablets can a baby take? Oh turns out none. Valium? Same answer. Google: How do I get my baby to sleep? Sleep training blah blah blah, daily routine. Hmm doesn’t mention morning splitboarding or Apres Ski.
This month was Pizzagate. Not a re-creation of the infamous half time bust up between Arsenal and Man Utd (for those of you who know me and my disinterest in sport, yes I looked that up). In an effort to retain a hold on our social life we went to a birthday lunch a few weeks back. Not only would it remind us about other topics of conversation that didn’t feature the words nappy, sleep or milk heavily but hopefully we could swap with our friends: holding a baby for holding a drink for short periods. All seemed to be going well enough until the food arrived. We forgot that our little man has a much better reach than a few months back and whilst sat on his Daddy’s lap, he decided to try and grab a handful of cheese from the middle of the freshly made pizza! This was not the baby led weaning we had been planning.
Luckily due to the large amount of white wine being consumed there was plenty of ice and cold water around to cool down his palm. At one point I wasn’t sure if he was crying because his hand was too hot or too cold. Luckily no harm was done and he was a happy bunny an hour later. More importantly I can hold this over his father for years to come! We’ve not taken him out for a meal since then. I’m worried about a repeat incident so Angus and myself tend to leave his father at home now (Mums can do Dad jokes too).
Ski resorts can be dangerous places for children: freezing temperatures, bad weather, icy paths, French drivers and British drunks. Now we can add four cheese pizzas to that list. For future or current mothers out there, please think about your child’s hands and child proof your pizza with a protective layer of rocket.